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You know I would actually get angry and upset when being in highschool. As to see other couples being together all happily in love and staying together. I actually got really angry, as made some comments. Nothing what had been rude or nasty; just I was extremely heartbroken and crushed.
My soul feels so broken and aches for everlasting true love until the end. The teacher had to calm me down and quite a few of them were telling me how "It will happen to me" and should focus on what I can control and better myself as a person.
While nobody had prayed for me to have everlasting true love until the end. Why hasn't my future and forever husband prayed for me? How isn't it the right time for true love? Yet other people get to have that beautiful and extraordinary love story written by God.
I just couldn't sleep at night anymore because of the answers of what Daniel put me through hurts. I'm sorry for not being known and remembered for being a man's first and last true love because he isn't around.
Really do wish that God could answer my prayers. I take everyday as baby steps because when I don't have college or volunteering. I actually just want to stay in bed and want to be left alone. Not because I'm lazy but feel so disheartened and tired by not being able to keep a man happy until the end.
I can't believe that I'm 22 and still haven't been blessed with everlasting true love until the end with a man. While there are other people who have been in relationships in my age group from 1-11 relationship anniversary celebration. There are other people who have been married 20-30 years plus.
Just don't think anyone understands how I'm feeling.
There been this young couple who had got together during the six weeks holidays of highschool. They were 14 as this been 14th August 2014 (Think the date was) and have gone through hormones, revision, people starting drama, exams, prom, mock and actual exams and recieving results.
Along with the other big milestones they are able to celebrate. They are the same age as me - 22 and in two years time. They will be able to celebrate their 10 year relationship anniversary together. I could write all about the beautiful love stories what God had written and blessed beautiful woman with.
Not because I make romance an ideal of my life but I just wish it would happen to me. I write all these beautiful love stories because the women can continue being blessed by God.
I hold all these beautiful and glamorous women in high regards; as they value what real, authentic, genuine, true everlasting love is. Just thought that I would be that amazing woman and wish it will happen to me.
Nobody understands how upset I feel like really they don't understand. What's so special about this couple (Along with many more) are going to be 24 and still with the same man.
Just because they have stuck together throughout everything; doesn't mean that they are bored or hold each other back. As they are still developing themselves as individuals and spending time & respecting their family.
I don't think Daniel understands how upset I actually feel. Thought it would all been part of God's glorious and divine plan. That all those years at highschool, where I had been rejected and pushed out as no guy wanted to date me.
Thought it was all going to be alright as Daniel & I would of dealt with it together. Not having to worry about the times I spent crying. As to build a life together and to be truly happy, where everyone accepted us.
Even Ariana Grande is able to keep Dalton Gomez for nearly 3 years. Yet I should of been celebrating my 4 year anniversary in 2022 with him. It should of happened to me and nobody cares how I keep having sleepless nights. Crying so much to the point I just don't want to see human beings anymore.
As they all get to be with the person who they truly love and not have other people trashing their relationship. To think they are God because the power and control is all in their hands.
I hope that your happy because my heart is breaking more each day and there is nothing what can help. Apart from a man's love, to become his first and forever wife. To be his true love until the end, the love of his life and best friend all in one.
A man who knows what morals, values, principles, respect and good verbal communication is. Heavenly Father,
thank you for yesterday. I am grateful for it.
We didn't go to the dinner, which is good. In the morning at the event there was a guy I met years ago and with whom I'll probably work in the following months. We are the same age and he is very smart. He lives in another country, but it's not far away from here. I've always been fascinated by him, but we didn't get on well when we met in 2015. Yesterday I didn't expect him to be there...he talked a little but he didn't seem interested in talking to me. It's fine.
But...something strange happened. Supernatural maybe?
When I opened messenger there was a message from P. From March. A message saying Is it all right? and something I couldn't read both because I had to open the message and because the message disappeared immediately. I deleted all of his messages so why did it appear? It is all right...among us? Were you trying to tell me something?
Although I don't write here about P anymore, you know that I am still waiting on him somehow. I want to go on and since so many months have passed I thought it was impossible a return, but even if I have eyes wide open to see if you put someone on my path, my heart still hopes for him. I know there are many problems and these problems would be a problem for us even if he comes back...but you are the God of impossible things so if you wanted us back you would find a way to solve these problems, right?
Oh Father I'm so confused...
The other guy keeps texting me (for the work). We'll have a videocall next week probably. If it's not your will that we work together I accept it but I need you to lead this matter as I think it may be good to work together and I am not good at saying no.
Today should be an "easy" day. Now I'm at home, I have to help grandma, in the afternoon I have to work...and possibly I'll have a little time to study, even now. I need your help Father. I am not focused, not at all. And I find excuses not to study, but I want to. I have so many reasons to study. And I don't need too much time, but I need both time and focus. I ask you in Jesus name for help so that I can end this last exam and focus on the thesis.
With grandma is not okay. I am so nervous. You know the reasons, it'd be too long to write.
I need some space but she's always around and my home is now hers. It's like she violated my personal and safe place. I know I should be patient and grateful that she doesn't feel ill (which I am), but I need some time alone. In the past years it was fine but now she's always here....and I cannot tell her because she'd immediately become angry and we'd fight. Boundaries are important, but she doesn't let me put boundaries. She is in control of everything. If she's here I cannot even pray when I want to. I ask in Jesus name that you help me with her so that we live peacefully and that we don't fight but that I have some privacy and peace.
As always a quick prayer in Jesus name for healing, peace, joy, health of grandma and dad (and to solve the problems regarding dad's papers), and may a blessed relationship begin soon to light my heart and life.
In Jesus name
Amen Dear God,
I can't believe how Daniel had lied to me as he said how "wanted to spend the rest of his life with me" and that I'm his last 'girlfriend' and hasn't even spoken to me this year.
He said "It’s ok I’m sorry and I’m gonna make things right"
"I’m sorry I really am"
"It’ll be ok trust me"
This was last year when I eventually exploded as had enough of keeping it in. God told me that I should pray for my future and forever husband, things will get better they say. All part of God's glorious and divine plan but I don't feel like it's that way.
As Daniel mentioned how he "weren't ready for a relationship " yet he is able to change his Facebook profile picture to different women who are Victoria Secret models. He just didn't want to have a relationship with me; as someone who is ready for a 'relationship' is emotionally stable and ready.
Otherwise you wouldn't be willing to let your guard down to other people.
I can't believe how much I've missed out on having with a man and feel disgusted for not even celebrating my birthday with a man. As I did nothing while everyone else is privileged and blessed by God to spend time with their special person. To grow up and have their boyfriends and girlfriends together.
Since Daniel didn't want to see me as a beautiful blessing but as his left off scraps off the floor. As he already had love until death do us apart like God's word says. I want to gef engaged and married now, so I'll still have some life left in me.
What also makes me feel angry and disgusted is that I love one man - Daniel. A man who I genuinely convinced everything was finally going to happen and work out for me. I didn't want to bring any man home to my family but nobody was willing to listen to me.
Can't believe how fast time has gone and other people are celebrating their 1-11 year anniversary with their special person. It should of been me but nobody listens to my tears and sleepless nights I've been having over the last 4 months.
Things get better they say, which they do ij other parts of my life. Yet it's just so dark and empty, every evening I just feel so upset and angry. Get annoyed at how everyone else is able to spend time with their significant other.
Just do normal things what normal couples do and I've been on hold.
Why can't God hear me? Why can't God put me at the top of being blessed for a beautiful and extraordinary love story where I'll be married in a matter of time.
Why am I being forgotten and not being s beautiful blessing to a man? I don't sleep around with thousands of men every night and or associate myself with the Victoria Secret models in the club.
I am a good person nobody ever gives me a chance. !!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear God,
You say that your close to the brokenhearted but you haven't been there for me. Someone had actually said on here back in April 2022, that you want me to be happy and to keep praying to you.
As one day I'll be married to Daniel but don't need any progress or anything happening. In fact I've spent this year writing letters to my future and forever husband. A whole new type of intimacy with a man which felt connected and closer to him.
Yet God still hasn't blessed me with a man and Daniel doesn't want to talk to me. He made his Facebook account unavailable just so I can't see it but other people are able to see his profile picture and account.
If he hates me so much and doesn't feel like he will ever get over the woman who he actually loved. His first girlfriend because he was with her for 2 years until death do us apart.
Then he should learn to speak up and to stop prolonging the pain I'm going through. To let me get married to a man who is on the same page as me. A man who hasn't been grieving for his highschool sweetheart because he either doesn't have one or she didn't pass away.
It's not my fault that I was robbed from having a great life ahead of me with Daniel. To celebrate my 10 year relationship anniversary with him by the time I turned 27.
Since I'm not God's favourite as to not have a late boyfriend, fiancé, husband and ex boyfriend who took a piece of my heart with him. To wherever he went after taking his final breath, for his family and friends to appreciate that I'm a good, honest and dedicated woman to their son, brother, nephew, cousin, friend, work colleague and any other role he may had been.
I'm sorry for not having a man watching over me in heaven. A man who built a beautiful life with me and I always wished it was me.
I even get angry at Ariana Grande for making 2 men happy before the age of 30. Yet she is still so beautiful, stunning, successful and amazing in every way possible.
Why can't God bless me with answers so I'm not in pain anymore? I find it so hard and heartbreaking to see other people around me progressing in life.
I didn't want to have one of those stupid relationships where people "Get back together." As I was willing to appreciate a man first time. It's not my fault that Daniel already been so experienced and blessed in life that he has done everything right.
To bring a woman home to his family and friends where he wanted to build a life with her.
I wanted all of that with Daniel but can't believe he thinks I'm incapable. As I don't have a late boyfriend, fiancé, husband and ex boyfriend who passed away. A man's love until death do us apart so we both are on the same page.
Things fell apart due to things beyond my control and yet I somehow have to fall for the punishment. Yet I don't sleep around with thousands of men and wear Victoria Secret underwear.
Nobody hears my pain and I'm hurting, every night I just cry as want to have a fiancé and forever husband to be there for me. To snuggle up with, to talk to, to pray to God so we stay together until death do us.
A man who I can proudly say "That man is my husband and I love him so much. We are in a normal, proper, stable, stick together throughout everything relationship and marriage. We have been married for 31 years and I only feel like I'm 17."
Even though I lost many years of my life waiting and nobody understands how much I'm hurting.
Once again Daniel, sorry for not having a late boyfriend, fiancé, husband and ex boyfriend who passed away. As you clearly look down on me for not keeping a man happy.
I wish that God would bless me with a good man who I can call my future and forever husband. I start a new job tomorrow and I am so grateful as I am tired of applying and interviewing for the past 3 months. I am so blessed that they chose me over other candidates and i can finally help out my fiancé with finances and not have him work overtime every workday. But I also interviewed with a company today that I believe am qualified for and it's more of a permanent job rather than the contract job I start tomorrow.
Please let this job tomorrow out for me though I was ecstatic about interviewing with this other company. I don't want to spend another 8 years in a toxic work environment where I dread Mondays but only stay because I need a job. I leave it in your hands to guide me and know what is better for me.
In Jesus name I pray. Amen. Dear God,
I'm so heartbroken, words can't even explain how I feel and thought to put this off. As not to take it to heart but it hurts me too much.
There been this lovely and beautiful woman in my class. She is 17, pretty and clever. Even though she was late to lesson once as to meet her boyfriend. In the town. To receive a rose off him and they go out on romantic dates together. (This weren't expensive but just well maintained effort been put into the dates)
Her boyfriend is 18 and drives a car. Along with picking her up after college, so they are able to go out on dates.
As much as I'm genuinely happy for her because she is so kind, humble, pretty, beautiful and hard working. Along with wishing that her relationship with her boyfriend will work out and they will stay together happily in love and married.
I couldn't help but to get upset because I really dreamed that this would of been Daniel & I. When being at my first college, on Valentine's Day they were doing roses. Really did convince myself that we would of had all of this.
Since I've been robbed from celebrating my 10 year anniversary with Daniel by the time I turned 27. Even though I thought positive that things would work out and will happen.
I want to have roses given to me from my fiancé and forever husband. To feel valued and appreciated by a man. A man who doesn't think I'm a disgrace for not having a late boyfriend, fiancé, husband and ex boyfriend who left me behind. While he took a part of my heart with him.
It really does affect me so much. I'm a 22 year old female. I've never had a stable relationship with a man, kissed a man in over 4 years or ever been taken out on a date by a man and I am a virgin. (I feel like a loser and a disgrace)
I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated.
I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm got told that any guy would be lucky to have me and I'm attractive; I get told how any guy out there would be lucky to have me. I do have a good heart and would like to be with someone.
I'm quite straight laced and I'm not the party type. I consider myself down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships.
Since I had been robbed from having a 10 year relationship anniversary celebration with Daniel. I just want to get married to a man now as to have that stability and security with a man.
I want to be a man's pride and joy, his happy place from this cruel world. Dear God,
I am 22 and I have never had a 'boyfriend' who wanted to stay with me for longer than a year. Or a boyfriend who truly loved me until his last breath and wanted to stay with me. Write love letters to me, cards, we spend special occasions, days and just life together as normal couples do.
I am not gonna lie, it makes me feel really down. While I was at highschool but really did get sad but thought it was all part of God's plan. As to have Daniel, a man who would finally be the answers to all my prayers. To put an end to my endless tears rolling down my face but once again, this is what I have to endure.
Be sad as I couldn't keep a man truly happy and that everything was going to happen to me.
When I was younger, I thought I would have found someone by now, but I am still alone. In college, I had Daniel but he just didn't think I was good enough.
After he left my first college, I was never asked out and barely approached. Since I was just his left over scraps off the floor. As he already knew what God's love is, since he had been blessed to have everlasting true love until death do us apart.
I am currently at another college studying Early Years and Childcare Level 1 (Second college) and guys still don't really notice me or talk to me. I don't think I am ugly nor do I think I am drop dead gorgeous, but I always feel like I am the girl that guys don't like.
I try to take good care of myself by eating healthy, staying slim by exercising, and looking presentable, but I still feel like I go unnoticed. Don't think Daniel noticed as much otherwise he would of stayed.
Really did convince myself, while we had hanged out during that short period of time. "I can see myself saying in many years to come, Thank you for all the happiest years of my life. As we spent them together and building a life with joy and happiness."
I can't believe it'd me who had to miss out on having everlasting true love until the end. Yet I did everything correct but God hasn't heard my prayers.
Just want to have a man who I can proudly call my first and forever husband. To be his true love until the end, the love of his life, his best friend all in one. When I say this, I mean no one has ever properly liked me - apart from Daniel.
I've never had a thing with anyone or got intimate and been in love and it's starting to hurt a little. All of my friends have boyfriends (Who they have kept for many years 1-11 years) and some are also engaged and getting married soon.
These women are all is so much in love and they will probably get engaged soon. It just hurts because obviously I have spent loads of time. Whether that's in prayer, bettering myself as to be a great person and doing things. Yet I haven't had the chance to make a beautiful lifetime of memories with a man.
When friends say they are having cuddles, going on dates etc, as much as I'm pleased they're happy I also wish I had it. Even though I really did convince myself that everything was going to work out and be truly happy with Daniel. In a normal, proper, stable, stick together throughout everything type of love.
My best friend has been telling me for the last 3 years that it 'will happen one day' .. I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment. My best friend also tells me to "stop putting myself down and putting so much pressure on myself" Just nobody understands how much it hurts me.
It got to the point where I had unfriended people who I knew. As it was breaking my heart to see them being able
The thought of never being able to have a beautiful love story from God ever again. I don't want to have a 'boyfriend' Now I just want to have a fiancé and forever husband. That God would let me smile and love again with a man who actually wants me.
Since I was robbed from having a great relationship with Daniel. What should of been the happiest 4 years of my life; since that was trashed and robbed from me.
This makes me feel like am I not good enough as a person or what am I doing wrong. Or not having a late boyfriend, fiancé, husband and ex boyfriend who was known and remembered for loving me. That we built a beautiful life together and he genuinely appreciated me.
I know that nobody wishes that their special person would pass away. I just think it's beautiful how a person is truly dedicated and devoted to loving a person until their last breath.
Since not many people appreciate the value of real, true and everlasting love until death do us apart. I was willing to do that but I just don't know what's wrong with me that I can't have this.
I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship, I've never even been on a proper date. I'm terribly shy when it comes to things like romance and dating and find it terrifying to put myself out there.
The times I have tried to get close to someone, it always ended with me in tears, and now my self-esteem is at an all-time low. As Daniel didn't think I was a good enough woman and my heart is breaking everyday.
All my friends are either in relationships or can get into them so easily. Whenever I try to tell them how I feel they just say "oh you're still young" and "the right guy's out there". I find this so patronising. They don't understand how I feel.
I didn't want to be having this type of conversation with you - God. As I really did think that I would be saying "Thank you for our life together and all these years I spent waiting. Thank you for all the happy years we have spent together."
Can't believe how I have missed out on another year of having everlasting true love until death do us apart. I'm so angry and upset for not celebrating my 10 year anniversary with Daniel by the time I turned 27.
My heart is breaking more each day and I do my best to be strong, to travel to college and my volunteering. Clean the house up, look after Fluffy, myself and everyone else around me.
Why can't I just get engaged and married to a man who knows what morals, values, principles, respect, good communication skills and is true to his word. Just like God says and promises to fulfill.
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Received: November 8, 2022
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